The Dukes of Occupational Hazards

Today I attended the memorial service for an elderly cousin who passed last week. I went by myself, mostly to stand in for my parents who are in the middle of a European vacation. At the chapel I was directed to the elevator by an elevator operator who rode with me to the top floor. Not one for awkward silences, I decided to engage the man in awkward conversation as we slowly elevated.

Me: “Must be a depressing job, huh? Working at a funeral home...”
Guy Elevator: “No! It’s great!”
Me: “Great? But you’re surrounded by death all day! How can that be great?”
Guy Elevator: “Well it really gives you a different prespective on life. Makes you value the time you have, to live life to the fullest.”

And then the elevator doors opened, and he said, “Watch your step” as I exited.

While I sat through the memorial service, half-listening to the bizarre eulogy given by the deceased's estranged only son, I couldn’t help but think about the elevator operator and his “different” perspective on life. You'd think after maybe a week of the morbid work environment, his newly realized carpe diem approach to life would encourage him to quit the elevator jockeying and go climb a mountain, or enter a hot dog eating contest, or at the very least, enter a grilled cheese eating contest. But no - he's just going to ride that elevator. I don't know he is making every moment count when his every moment is devoted to counting the floors as he goes up and down, but I can only assume that when he ushers his passengers to the appropriate chapel with a deft push of the elevator button, he is pushing those buttons to the fullest.

And what about that bizarre eulogy? To quote: "I'm jealous of Catholics, because they go to paradise when they die. And I'm jealous of those Al-Qaeda guys, because if I knew I had 50 virgins waiting for me, I'd strap on one of those belts myself."

Because there is no better way to eulogize your mother than with a personal endorsement of Islamic terrorism!